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How Can I Pull Myself Up by My Bootstraps if I Can’t Find Them?

 

chad-madden-164801How many times have you been destroyed emotionally, but you were able to pick yourself up by your own bootstraps? Or maybe you didn’t. Maybe you continue to wallow in self-doubt and fear. I am here to tell you something: I think I have misplaced my bootstraps.

Recently, my world was wrecked when my fiancé called off our engagement. We have been together for a little over two years, engaged for about four months, but have yet to set a date. He hasn’t been much interested in researching event sites. He’s been stressed and working a lot. These were just some of the BS excuses for not being present in our relationship.

The thing is: He has kids from a previous marriage, and so do I. How can we show our kids what it is like to suffer together and then grow and change our lives because of the suffering? How will they learn that people can love and live together if we each have one divorce under our belts, and have showed them true partnership in the past, only to scrap it under the woodpile when one person is unhappy? Not that I am condoning “staying together for the kids,” but when you once had a beautiful, happy, healthy relationship that has dissolved, shouldn’t you fight for love? Shouldn’t you show your kids how to disagree, have a really terrible couple of months, and then continue on the same path together?

Or do you give the other person the torment that they are looking for? The unhappiness that he thinks he deserves. I wish that he could see himself through my eyes. He would know that he is my life partner, that he is a humble and kind person, that he is a strong provider in all senses of the word. That he is my touchstone for this life.

So, for now, we are in limbo. In case you’ve never traveled to limbo, it is a desert of indecision. There is nothing but rocks and hard places out here. Don’t go if you can avoid it. But, if you do find yourself there, come help me find my bootstraps.

Stella Sage has lived in Reno for the great majority of her adult life and spent her childhood in Oregon. She became a mom later in life and has one son and two step daughters that all provide endless opportunities for fun, laughter, frustration, and love. She works as a healthcare provider at a local community health center, which she absolutely adores. She has the best life ever, so don’t be jealous.

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