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Giving Up on the Uninvolved Grandparents

Image credit: http://www.sowetanlive.co.za/
Image credit: http://www.sowetanlive.co.za/

I’m a firm believer in a grandparent’s role in their grandchild’s life. I believe that it’s vital that they know them and that they spend time with them to create that special bond, after all, those are our parents. I only got to meet 2 out of 4 of my grandparents as a child. I longed to meet all of them. I felt so lucky that my child got to meet both sets of her grandparents in hopes for her to create that bond with them. However, how far will you go to make sure that there is a bond between your little ones and your parents?

I’m not one to push for attention for my child, but I always offer for the grandparents to spend time with us as a family. I create, host or even find events for both the grandparents and our family to participate in and enjoy. In my case, the latter doesn’t happen. Sometimes I feel as if one set of grandparents only show up on when it’s convenient for them and that just irks me. I understand that everyone is busy and I’m fully aware that I am lucky enough to have them in my child’s but I’ve had quite enough of pushing my child onto one set of grandparents. I shouldn’t have to force that bond between them, nor should I have to create the illusion to everyone that they are there.  There is always an excuse on why they couldn’t make her school event or swimming session. What makes matters worse is that now my child is to the point where she doesn’t care to be around them, which just makes me irate.

Let’s be real for a minute and acknowledge that some grandparents just aren’t grandparents. There I said it.  Biologically yes they are but when it comes down right to it some grandparents really don’t give a s#%t on being there. They feel like they’ve done their time and YOU are the parent. It’s taken me a long time for me to wrap my head around this. How could you not want to be there? How could you not want to find the time to be with her?

Now, I’ve come to the point where I’ve spoken too many words and cried too many times to get my point across that it will never mean the same to them as it does to my husband and I. It sucks to say the least, but we’ve come to terms with it being their loss. It’s their loss that they would rather be the “grandparent” posting all of these pictures on social media rather than actually spending time with their grandchild. It’s their loss that they are too busy to bother supporting her at a school event that she worked so hard at. I’m now past the stage of anger towards them and for my daughter that now I just feel bad for them missing out on everything that should be deemed as important.

 I’ve given up on making it so important because if it was honestly important to them, they would make it happen.  On our end as parent’s we’re working on making her feel secure that she’s not missing anything and explaining to her that it’s okay that they aren’t there all the time like other set is. From a parent longing for one set to care, they you from the bottom of my heart for all the grandparents out there that go above and beyond for their grandbabies. I want to tell you that it means the world to us parents seeing the love you have for our children.

Do you have any parents in your life that are uninvolved “grandparents”? How are you dealing with them? How do you help your children to cope? I’d love to hear your feedback on how to deal.



About Jannine Wells

Jannine Wells
Jannine Wells is a Navy brat traveling the world and moving every 4 years until finally settling in Nevada. She was raised in Fernley Nevada and moved to Reno in 2010 to finish her degree at TMCC. She has a background in childhood education and is an advocate for children’s education and development. Jannine is married to her high school sweetheart and is raising a beautiful one year old daughter, Haidyn, and kitty daughter, Sassafras. She is a paper pusher by day, blogger and amateur chef by night passionate about learning how to become a better mother.  Jannine started her blog Sunny In Reno to write about her pregnancy and journey through motherhood.   View all posts by Jannine.

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