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Losing Myself in Motherhood

Losing myself in motherhoodYou know the feeling when you see a glimpse of your past self after becoming a mother? I saw that a few days ago… and it wasn’t a familiar face. It was a complete stranger: someone I used to know a long time ago (18 months ago to be precise).

Did I really not care about which shirt would show the least food stains at the end of the day? Did I really carry a purse that didn’t have diapers, snacks, wipes and bits of gold fish crackers in it?

I try to meet that person more…be like her more, but I don’t think I can. When buying shoes for myself I’ll always ask myself if I can wear those heels AND carry a toddler safely. I’ll never go to Target and not go to the children’s section and buy another item of (unnecessary) clothing. Time away from the little is like a shot at being that person again, but the mother in me finds herself planning her meals for the week and kicking myself for not remembering to tell the baby sitter how she likes to sleep exactly.

I used to be up until the wee hours of the morning on Saturdays with friends…unperturbed by the thought of waking up early the next day. Weekends are vastly different now, with trips to the park, naps, and yes, even tantrums (not just by the toddler). Yes, I slept in on weekends past, but they didn’t start with a kiss on my cheeks, cuddles and demands by someone to play with the dog downstairs.

I haven’t found myself again since I became a mother – and I love every minute of being lost!


 

nehaNeha Singh (nee Sah) was born and raised in India and moved to the Northern Nevada area when she married her husband. Comparing and contrasting the two cultures she has lived in is something Neha has enjoyed these last few years, but assimilation wasn’t as hard as some would think (thanks Hollywood!) She and her husband welcomed a daughter in their lives in August 2014 and watching her grow and learn has been the single greatest joy of Neha’s life. She is very grateful for the life she has lived so far and the family and friends that have made it so. She is a manager at a distribution company, loves hanging out with her family, which includes her dog, reading, and writing about her experiences.

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