This weekend, my husband and I took a baby moon. Mostly, it was an excuse to leave the house for a few days and sleep in for the first time in FOREVER. But it was also perhaps the last chance at alone time as a couple before our second child comes along.
Alone time with a partner is so precious. And yet it’s something I’ve put very low on the priority list since our nearly two year old son joined the family. Since our baby moon, I see what a mistake that’s been.
Our baby moon wasn’t about the location. It wasn’t about the activities, restaurants, and sites. It was about the quality time for just the two of us. I caught myself doing things I haven’t done in such a long time, they almost felt foreign – looking my husband in the eyes while he talked, laughing out loud, smiling, feeling relaxed and carefree. I felt like my old self. The person I was before diaper changes, parenting anxiety, and the balancing act of keeping a child safe, happy, well fed, and disciplined.
It made me realize how stressed parenting has made me. And how serious I am all the time now. It made me think about how draining it must be for my husband, my son, my friends and family to be around me lately. It made me want to ease up a bit and try to relax more. It reminded me I can be a fun person, I still have it in me. I can joke, seek adventure, challenge myself, and stay out with the best of them.
Mostly, it reminded me that life is a blessing. My life is so beyond blessed, it makes me emotional just thinking about how much God has provided.
Which brings me to the curse of the baby moon. As I spent this time alone with my husband, reflecting on our blessings and grateful for this beautiful life, I pined for my son. My heart longed to hold him and hug him and tell him he is the light of my life.
I wanted to go home – our magnificent home that houses our memories, our stories – and sleep in our soft, fluffy bed. To be just a room away from our son, and with our dog snuggled on the floor just beneath us.
I wanted to meet this new baby in my belly. To welcome him to our family and tell him we’ve been eagerly waiting for him. I wanted to hold him in my arms and soak in that intoxicating new baby smell.
My son stayed at my parents’ house. My mom essentially asked me to stop calling so much. It was distracting and confusing for my son, and there never really is a good time to call when a toddler’s on the loose anyway. I wish I could have been more present and appreciate my time away. I wish I could have recognized the trip for what it is: time alone with my husband to refresh and renew before a newborn captures our hearts and dismantles our sleep routines. But as a mom and a human, I want to have it all. I want this unique time with my husband, but I also crave the love and security of having my son by my side.
The baby moon is now over. It will soon be a fleeting memory in a few months where I am re-introduced to nursing pads and boppies. I’m sure I will remember the special moments with my husband, and I’ll conveniently forget the heart tug of being away from home. But I will hold on to the gratitude this trip instilled in me. The inner peace of feeling so loved, so in love, so blessed to have a beautiful, happy, and healthy family. To have supportive extended family who make my son feel safe and loved while I’m away. To have a home to return to, a dog eagerly anticipating my arrival, a community where I thrive, and the life I dreamt of as a little girl.
Which only goes to show, this truly was a baby moon blessing.
Celeste is a Reno mom to a toddler and expecting another boy in 2016, and loves to write about the good, bad, and the “what the heck am I doing??” parts of motherhood. She is also a marketing professional, which has armed her with bountiful experience in cleaning up poop and managing temper tantrums. Featured in Scary Mommy and Mommy Effect, follow her journey and learn about The Ultimate Mom Challenge™ on her website or Facebook.