As we close in on a decade of marriage I find myself spending a lot of time wondering about the possibility of “meant-to-be”; is finding your one true love something that can actually happen? What is coincidence? Is it a spiritual force beyond our comprehension… What about those times when everything just seems to fall into place? Is there fate, or is it just an illusion created by the brain’s skill in pattern recognition… Does it even matter one way or another?
My husband and I have been exclusive for 11 years and our 8th wedding anniversary is September 10th. Bonus: He took our anniversary off this year. He’s driving me to my esophagogastroduodenoscopy (EGD)! Once the sedation wears off, we’ll party, I swear. 11 years! We have spent a fair amount of time together.
We’ve done all the grown-up stuff together. We have owned 2 houses, bought 3 cars, in May 2016 he will have put me through school (twice!) and we’ve added 2 (so far) amazing (IMHO) humans to the world. Stability and quality adulting, my friends!
Over a decade of together-bliss.
We have spent some of it in the throes of squishy vomit-worthy “I love you more” love, we’ve had our fair share of screaming arguments, and an abundance of complacent comfortable movie-night-at-home-morning-breath-kiss love. MORNING BREATH KISSES ARE DISGUSTING. I will also say those types of love have been dispersed throughout our relationship… Those screaming arguments? Definitely not something we brag about, and definitely more frequent than I care to admit. We argue about cleaning house and a little about money every so often. He is an amazing dad, he loves me, and I can absolutely COUNT on him no matter what.
Is that what adulting is about? Or is that a sad complacency? Should this relationship be easy peasy every day? Is the idea of a marriage being work a universal truth, or a myth perpetrated by unhappy people trying to justify their relationships? Does the mere consideration of divorce doom a relationship, or is it an opportunity to make changes? Does any of the speculation actually matter?
I’m going to assume the wondering is normal. I spend a lot of time wondering. Would we still be happy had we never met? I’m sure our lives would be unrecognizable, but beyond that I have absolutely no idea.
8 years of marriage.
Ultimately, I will probably never be able to answer any of these questions. Not a single one. I’ll never know if he is my SOULMATE or just some guy I love. All I can know, and the thing that is important, is I love him and right now I can’t imagine raising my boys without him, or life without him in general. When I ask myself if I would do it all over again the answer is unequivocally YES. It’s not everything, it’s not perfect, but it’s what matters to me.