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To Do: Sort Life Out, Have Baby

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. Maybe it’s because I’m the oldest of four children and I grew up babysitting my siblings. Maybe it’s because my own mother was a stay-at-home mom. Maybe it’s just who I am, who I always would’ve become regardless of what situations I might’ve met along the way.

Whatever the reason, when adults used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said, “I want to be a mom.”

My husband and I agreed from the beginning that we wanted two, maybe three, kids. And we wanted at least three years between each kid.

We recently reached the eighteen-month milestone with our first child, which means we’ve got another year or so before we’ll think about trying for pregnancy again. That said, I have a question for all you mothers out there who have two or more children:

How the hell do you keep your life sorted out long enough to decide having another kid is a good idea???

I’ll be honest here, I’ve been wanting another itty bitty baby in our home since our first baby started crawling. First steps and first words are exciting, but I miss that tiny bundle of comfort who wanted nothing more than breastfeeding cuddletime. And believe it or not, I miss being pregnant and I want another chance to experience labor.

But it feels like every other week, a hurricane is tearing my life to pieces. So I go through times when I think to myself, “How great would it be if David had a baby brother or sister?” and later that same day I’m wondering if I’ll ever have a single second to myself to just wash my face or – dream big – paint my nails. One minute I’m thinking I’ve got it all figured out, and the next I’m berating myself for not having my life together yet. Not to mention what a mess I was when David was still that tiny bundle of comfort who wanted nothing more than breastfeeding cuddletime.

Okay yeah, forgetting to take my postpartum depression meds every now and then might have something to do with this. But I’ve seen enough other moms getting real to know that even those of us without PPD still have feelings of inadequacy.

So tell me, how did you get past these feelings enough to feel confident in going for baby numero dos? How do you go about family planning when a single day’s plans are never accomplished?

 

A little about me:FB_IMG_1440088487195-1

I’m a singing bookworm with three tattoos, two dogs, and one toddler. My husband and I are hoping that my tattoo count goes up before my dog or baby count does, but you never know. I love crafts, and despite my feminist frame of mind, I’ve gotten into sewing since becoming a mom – I’ve made my son a simple pair of keepsake baby shoes, a stuffed bunny, a doll, and an almost-finished blanket (we’ll see if that “almost” ever disappears). I’m excited to write for Reno Moms Blog because it merges my love of motherhood with my love of writing. I’ve worked as a writer, editor, and writing tutor, and I’m currently searching for a new writing job that will give me a sense of purpose outside of my home. I’ve had two short stories and an academic paper published, and I’m working on a couple novels as well. You can read more about me and my work on my author’s blog: SierraDawnWriteOn.wordpress.com.

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