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Redefining “Trophy Wife”

trophy wifeI’m just going to come out and say it – I want to be a trophy wife. Now don’t go getting all fired up. I’m not anti-fem. I’m not quitting my job, bleaching my hair and getting “a little work done.”

Let’s back up a step…

According to Wikipedia, a “Trophy Wife is an informal term for a wife, usually young and attractive, who is regarded as a status symbol for the husband, who is often an older and wealthy “sugar daddy”…. Referring to a spouse as a trophy wife usually reflects negatively on the character or personality of the husband, and has a connotation of narcissism and desire to impress others, and that the husband would not be able to attract the sexual interest of the attractive woman but for his wealth or position. It can also be used to imply that the trophy wife in question has little personal merit besides her physical attractiveness, does very little of substance outside of remaining attractive, requires substantial costs for maintaining her appearance and is in some ways synonymous with the term “gold digger”.

In perusing the depths of the Urban Dictionary, among the super-vulgar definitions and those posts from people who clearly had a negative Trophy Wife experience/were probably picked on in high school by a Regina George type, I found a handful of references to the education level of Trophy Wives. Many of them referred to TWs as highly educated women who immediately abandon their career and educational aspirations for old man money and sex:

She’s educated, dedicates her days to bettering her community through charity work and philanthropy, she has impeccable manners and etiquette, and uses her status to better those around her and manages to look amazing while doing so. Trophy wives do three things: lunch, tennis, and their rich sexy husbands.” – Urban Dictionary

So….back to my point: I want to be a trophy wife. Now, I don’t want to be a vapid, over-groomed housewife. I want to be a well-educated, well-mannered, successful, fit, hot wife who can cook and take care of her family without the assistance of paid help. I want to redefine Trophy Wife. And thanks to people like the new Mrs. George Clooney I have zero doubt that I can make this happen. Will it be fun? Not always. Will it be easy? Certainly not. But nothing worth having is easy and life is pretty hard in general, so why not make the most out of it.

Before I continue I want to get something straight – this has nothing to do with pressure from my husband. My husband is amazing. He has seen me at my absolute lowest point numerous times. He’s picked me up off the floor and held my hair while I puked when I was on chemo. He has sat in the ER with me in the middle of the night and then went to work all day. He watched me learn to walk again, and then to run. He has brought me gingerale at midnight on a Tuesday. He’s dealt with physical therapy, doctor’s appointments, compression devices and wedding braces. My husband would literally do anything for me. This is my desire, not his.

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Yes, I want to be a great wife and look good for my husband but I also know that my husband is perfectly happy with me just the way I am. And I can guarantee you that instead of crawling out of bed at 5 a.m. to go to the gym he would much rather I lay in bed with him. But I would much rather be a healthy, happy wife who feels good and looks good. My workout routine, my food routine, my perfectionism and obsession make me a better me. It makes me a better wife, a better parent, a better friend and a better employee. It increases my endurance, my patience and my mood. Yes, it’s hard to manage it all, but to me, it’s worth it. I want my husband to be proud of me. I want my husband to brag about me. I want to be the best possible version of myself for him. I want to be smart and sexy and driven. I want to be his trophy – because he deserves it – and so do I. And as parents, I believe, we all deserve it. We are raising humans. We are responsible for the future. Why shouldn’t we want the best for ourselves? I’m not saying we have to be perfect. That’s not my goal. My goal is to be the best version of ME. Do I want to look like a fitness model? Abso-fucking-lutely not. Do I pre-plan every meal and iron everyone’s clothes? Definitely not. But I do my best. I try to get up early to work out so I can come home and make breakfast for everyone before I get ready for work.  I spend Sundays cleaning the house so that no one has to worry about it during the week. I buy special snacks and random gifts for my family because I believe that it’s the small things in life that make it worth living. I do my best because that’s the example I want to set for our kids.

Just imagine how much easier life would be if everyone always did their best? Just imagine if everyone wanted to be the new Trophy Wife….


Photo Credit: BrinRPhoto


About Betsy McDonald

Betsy McDonald
Betsy McDonald is a soon-to-be wife and stepmother to two teenagers, ages 16 and 14, both of whom are taller than she. She spends her days doing PR, marketing and event planning, and her nights boxing, dancing and attempting a variety of unorthodox work outs that require a little more balance than she actually possesses. In the meantime, she spends plenty of time at Lake Tahoe and is working on perfecting the lacrosse mom persona, golfing, attempting SUP yoga, remodeling a home with her fiancé, planning her wedding, and maintaining the overall health, wealth and happiness of her newly found family. As a child growing up in Nebraska, Betsy’s dad would travel to Lake Tahoe to ski, bringing home pennant flags, T-shirts and a variety of other Reno-Tahoe-related paraphernalia. This prompted her to desire to find out just what “the Biggest Little City in the World” actually meant. By chance, she would end up here thanks to a job transfer to Gardnerville for her mom and the Millennium Scholarship. As a 14-year resident of the Biggest Little City, she’s proud to live and love in Reno. Betsy is an athlete, a writer and a cancer survivor – and hopefully an amazing stepmom. Stay tuned….

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