Many moons ago, my family (Mom, Dad, and a 10-years-younger-than-me brother) were on our annual pilgrimage to Park City for a week of fun. Derek, true to form, was being a pest to my then teenage-angst-ridden self and bothering me. After much whining from me in the back seat, Dad finally boomed, “Derek! Quit licking your sister.” It stopped the licking, but also caused us all to erupt in laughter. While his words were accurate, it sure sounded silly.
Have you ever said something to your kids and then realized how ridiculous it sounded? I’ve had a few of those in the last 10 years of parenthood where I’ve laughed and thought, “Did I really just say that?” Some of the ones I remember were things like, “Panties are not hats,” or “No thank you, that’s your booger,” or “Eat your French fries NOW!” (this coming from a homemade organic-only baby-meal-making me).
I think my favorite thing about hearing these crazy statements is knowing there was a very real reason the parent needed to say them…and the hilarious image that pops in to your head. A friend of mine told me about these awesome posters made by Nathan Ripperger, where he turns the things he’s said to his kids into artwork. I love this idea; such a great way to visually capture the craziness of parenthood.
I polled my friends for their best crazy statements. A surprisingly large amount of them were focused on licking things or boy/girl anatomy. Others were about things that just make you sound like a wacko parent. Here are few of my favorites:
No more beets until you eat your macaroni and cheese.
Sword fight carefully.
Stop licking the TV.
Get your tongue off the wall.
Get your butt off of your sister’s face.
Where’d you get that poop?
Is that dog food in your mouth? Don’t laugh about that. Eating dog food is not funny.
Please take your foot out of your mouth.
And this great gem that made me truly laugh out loud: Don’t put raisins in your vagina.
Or these great stories:
My nine- year -old son is obsessed with baseball and ALWAYS has a ball in his hand. He had a few out one day in the living room. It was time for dinner and he kept stalling when I asked him to clean up. I finally looked at him and said, “If you don’t put your balls away I won’t let you play with them for the rest of the evening!” We are still laughing about it!
My sister would stick her finger right next to my face without quite touching. So when I would complain to our mom, my sister would say she wasn’t touching me. So my Mom would shout, “Stop NOT touching each other!”
“We don’t touch our penises at the table”….Well, something had to be said but clearly coming from the woman who birthed him, WE don’t have penises!
How about you? What have you said to your kiddo that sounded completely ridiculous? Let’s make hump day a funny one with a few shared giggles!